It's Decorative Gourd Season, Motherfuckers

“I don’t know about you, but I can’t wait to get my hands on some fucking gourds and arrange them in a horn-shaped basket on my dining room table. That shit is going to look so seasonal. I’m about to head up to the attic right now to find that wicker fucker, dust it off, and jam it with an insanely ornate assortment of shellacked vegetables. When my guests come over it’s gonna be like, BLAMMO! Check out my shellacked decorative vegetables, assholes. Guess what season it is—fucking fall. There’s a nip in the air and my house is full of mutant fucking squash.”

We have eleven pumpkins, three gourds, six squash, chestnuts, and fall leaves in our small one-bedroom. ‘Nuff said.

(Source: glynnis)

Plants Want to Live, Too

“Plants ‘forage’ for resources like light and soil nutrients and ‘anticipate’ rough spots and opportunities. By analyzing the ratio of red light and far red light falling on their leaves, for example, they can sense the presence of other chlorophyllated competitors nearby and try to grow the other way. Their roots ride the underground ‘rhizosphere’ and engage in cross-cultural and microbial trade.

“’Plants are not static or silly,’ said Monika Hilker of the Institute of Biology at the Free University of Berlin. ‘They respond to tactile cues, they recognize different wavelengths of light, they listen to chemical signals, they can even talk’ through chemical signals. Touch, sight, hearing, speech. ‘These are sensory modalities and abilities we normally think of as only being in animals,’ Dr. Hilker said.

“Plants can’t run away from a threat but they can stand their ground. ‘They are very good at avoiding getting eaten,’ said Linda Walling of the University of California, Riverside. ‘It’s an unusual situation where insects can overcome those defenses.’ At the smallest nip to its leaves, specialized cells on the plant’s surface release chemicals to irritate the predator or sticky goo to entrap it. Genes in the plant’s DNA are activated to wage systemwide chemical warfare, the plant’s version of an immune response. We need terpenes, alkaloids, phenolics — let’s move.”

(Source: ecologywithoutnature.blogspot.com)

Getting Lost

Last week, a dayhiker in Denali got caught in a hailstorm, couldn’t see through the clouds and fog, descended the wrong side of a ridge, and was lost for four days. Dozens of people with aircraft and a search dog failed to find him. Luckily, he had some wits about him, ran into friendly backpackers, and was able to walk himself out on Wednesday.

While he was missing, I had conversations with quite a few friends and co-workers that boiled down to: how do you get lost like that? The answer: by forgetting just a few small things.

• Problems: Getting caught in bad weather makes it hard if not impossible to see, and a maze of brush and creeks with no trails can be very disorienting.
  Solution: Have a map and compass and know how to use them.
• Problems: It gets cold and dark at night, and it’s hard to signal planes and other hikers that are far away.
  Solution: Have a firestarter and tinder and know how to use them.

Rather than criticize this hiker for being less than perfect, I just take this as a reminder that any hiker should always, always, always carry a map, compass, and firestarter with good tinder and be very proficient with all of them. These small, light, inexpensive tools combined with basic skills mean that you’ll probably never get lost, and if you do, you’ll be able to stay warm and send a large, visible smoke signal.

I prefer:

• USGS Quads, which are free to download
• a simple compass
• and a Spark-Lite with Tinder-Quik tabs.